Lotsa Gud Stuff on This Hear Page

This hear page is whur yew kan kum fer tips, and othur gud stuff. We gonna tri ta put nu stuff up ever so ofun. Iffin ya wonna cind us sumpin, yew kan reech us by tha emale whats on the botum of tha page, ar yew kan lettur rite us iffin ats betur. We no tha posman will brang tha male ta dat numbur, cause we uzed it when we stayd kross town. We tuk tha numburs rite ofen tha pos an brung em wif us. No nede n gittin a nu set a numburs, thay wurked gud fer sevral yerz alreddie.

Jist a Tip Fer Ya

Iffin yer lukin fer wudin toyz, tshurts, babie stuff, kaps, kofie mugz, CDs or kasets an whutever elce, yew nede ta go ta tha Shop fer that.

Homaid resipees fer stuff roun tha hous

Kar Winder Klener
2 TBS Whyte vyneger
3 Cps Water
Put in sprae botel. Sprae. Wipe with sumin kleen
***************************************
Drayne Opener
1 Cp Bakin Sodee
1 Cp Salt
1/2 Cp Whyte Vineger
Put in Sodee. Put in Salt. Pour in Vineger
"Run like hell"
Kume bak in 15 min. Pour in 1/2 gal boylin water
Dont wurk? try agin. Then kall a plummer.

Resipees fer stuff ta ete

GRANNYS BUZZERD WANGS
1 kup uv BBQ sos
haf kup uv soy sos
2 spuns uv rustershire sos
haf kup uv pankake surp
bout 10 pounds uv wangs (kan uze chikin)
Stur hit all up
Dip em wangs n it
layim on a foyl kuverd kukie sheat
pore rest uv juse ovur tha wangs
BROLE em till they iz broun
BAKE fer 30 min at 400
eat em or stash em

Special Recipes for Diabetics

Korni Joks

An HVAC teknishun traned a small chimp to hep him. The chimp wuz the perfek sistant. He wernt fraid of hights. And cause he was so small, he could skweze inta ducks ta wurk on em. Bes uv all, the teknishun paid him in banannas. Wun dae, a kustumer called cause his air kondishion was runnin and runnin, but the house wernt kulin down nun. The teknishun zamaned the kulin system and found a prolem in the ducks. The kustumer axed hif it wud be difikult to fix. “Nope,” said the tekniskun. “I have a little duct ape that will fix the prolem n no tyme.”

FER SAIL

Kustum maid wun holer Outhouse
3ft X 4ft X 7ft tall wif lokin dore
Xtras inklud: shef fer Searz katalog
or nuzepapurz; small box fer korn kobs;
baskit fer tha slik pages outa tha katalog.
No lites, no hete, no water.
Opshun: wif or wifout vint krax fer
kross vinalashun
Kontak us fer kost an shipin.

The 10 Komandmints

As Writ by Cuz

(1) Jis One God
(2) Honor Yer Ma N Pa
(3) No Telin Tales R Gosipin
(4) Git Yoresef Ta Sunde Meetin
(5) Put Nutin Fore God
(6) No Fullin Round Wif Nuther Felers Gal
(7) No Kilin
(8) Wach Yer Mouf
(9) Don’t Take Whut Ant Yers
10) Don’t Be Hankerin Fer Yer Budys Stuff.

Kwesthun uv tha Munt

Ar yew shur ats whur we iz headin? An whut duz a han baskit hav ta do wif enythang?

Thangs I wunder bout

Iffin ya thode a kat out tha winder whilst yer drivin doun tha hiwa, duz hit bekum kity liter?

Iffin yar standin n bak of a long lin an everbody turnz round, ar yew at tha bak uv tha lin lukin bakerds, or tha frunt uv tha lin a lukin frunterds? Thank about it.

Eny rezun fer putin experashun dae on sarer kreem? Duz hit tern swete?

Granny tole me sum uv her perzervs had spolt, wuz thay rellie perzervs?

Spekin uv perzerves, why duz a lade git a permanint ever fue muntz? Shudnt thay kall em temporaryes?

Whu teches em deers ta krox tha rode whur them yeller sines iz?

Duz awl em skrudrivers rellie blong ta Philip?

Jis how sik duz a dog git?

Whi duz nite fall, but dae brakes?

Iz a simikondukter an a part tyme band direktor tha same thang?

Sense tha blind wares dark glases, whi dont deff peple ware air muffs?

Whi iz braile put on drive thru ATM mashines?

Iffin ya tri ta fail an suckseed, whut hav ya realie dun?

Wurdz whut puzel me

Mos wurdz iz purdy splanitore, lak dich diger, an male karier, an fund razer, an so forth. Sum iz hard ta figer out. Like, "Asstronaut" fer a zample. Asstro iz dat artafishul gras thay pla bawl on. An naut iz nuther werd fer nuttin, or nun. So whut in tha sam hil iz a feller whut duz nuthin on artafishul gras?

Howbout a Farmasist? Yall noe whut a farm iz. An tha big buk sez a sist iz a poket or a powch n sum growin thang. So splain ta me whi thay iz kald, pursons whut gro thangs n sax?

Thim felerz up n DC gotz it rite on. Thay iz n polyticks. An poly iz a bunch, an ticks iz blud sukin kriterz. Whut sez thay iz a bunch uv blud sukin kriterz, an ats rite on. Shore do make sents.

Wethur man sed tha rane wuz gonna tapir off. I luked up tapir n tha big buk an hit sed: a hog lak amimul whut livs n tha trapicks, haz a flex snoot, etz pantz, kin ta tha rino, an romes round at nite. Got eny id whut he mint?

Sum uv my favoryte sayins

"Iffin ya thank ya kan, or iffin ya thank ya kant, you iz rite." I thank some Fourd guy sed dat.

"Hits beter ta hav luved an lost than ta hav a hole yard fulla chikens what wont lay no eggs." (Ats whut Cuz Sez)

"Wun thang yew kan sa bout polyticks, Hit shore iz polytikal."  (Cuz Sez zat tu))

"Pie ar squair ant so. Pie ar round. Hits kornbred what ar squair." (Ah hered at sumers)

""Whin yew kum ta a fork in tha rode, take it." (At tears a Yogi)

"Suckcess iz 90% werk an 10% branze. Tha othur 50% iz luk." (Ats a Yogi tu)

Thisall drive em nutz. Jist sae it an stop.  "A funnie thang hapund on tha wa ta tha stor."

Whin sumwun ax yew "How ya doin?", sae, "Ah feal mour lak ah du now than ah did a while ago."

Lernin ta Speke Hillbilly

(A fu werdz frum tha hillbilly dikshunary)
AH: (ah thank ah got sumpin n my ah)
AIR: (This air ake iz a kilin me)
AWLUM: (Thay iz ruint, thro awlum away)
ANIGODLIN: (He wint anigodlin kross tha strete)
ANSIR: (No, nats my final ansir)
AST: (Yew ast tu many kwestions)
ATTAIR: (Pas me attair plate uv possum)
AWFULLIST: (Ats tha awfullist joke ah evur hurd)
AWL: (Yew nede sum awl n yer kar)
BAHS: (Ah gota nu bahs at werk tadae)
BAR: (Ah big blak bar clum at tree ovair)
BAWL: (Tha gal he mared kant even bawl water)
BARD: (He bard my moer n kep it)
BLEEVE: (Ah bleeve thay awredie muvd)
BOBWAR: (He put a nu bobwar fence round hiz plase)
BUB: (Isshear lamp neds a nu lite bub)
BUMFUZZELED: (Haze awl bumfuzzeled sense he got hit n tha head)
BURRY: (Weve ben pikin blak burrys)
CHEWSDY: (Hittal be hear on chewsdy)
CLUM: (Hey clum upair awl by hizsef)
COCOLA: (Ah shoare kud uze a cocola)
CORTER: (Yew kan bi tu fer a corder)
CYREEN: (Tha pooolise had hiz cyreen goin)
CYST: (Kan ah cyst ya wif at box)
DAINJERS: (Yew be karful, hits awful dainjers outare)
DAYUM: (A bad werd. "Ah dont giva ________")
DEW: (Wud yew dew me a favur)
DID: (He ant hear no more, haze did)
DRECKLY: (Jis be quite, we gonna leve dreckly)
DRUTHER: (I'd druther sta home an wach a muvie)
EVERWHICHAWAY: (Thay run everwhichaway)
FAR: (Hits gitin kold nuff ta lite a far)
FARN: (Ah thank he kum frum sum farn kuntry)
FIXIN: (Ah'm fixin ta run ta tha store)
FLARES: (The flares ar a dyin, jew water em?)
FUR: (Hits a fur peace whur thay muved tu)
FER: (Ah baut this fer yew)
GIMME: (Dew thank yew kud gimme change fer a corder)
GODE: (Ah dont koe whi thay goed ovair)
GUMMIT: (Nuther wun uv em leturs frum tha gummit)
GOVAIR: (Whi dont yew govair and set)
HAZE: (Pay him no tension, haze ignernt)
HARD: (He wurked fer Hard Hues)
HAINT: (He sed he seen a haint inat ole hous)
HALE: (Genrul Sherman sed, "War iz hale")
HOT: (He jist fel ovur did, cause his hot kwit)
HOD: ("A gud man iz hod ta find")
HEP: (Iffin yul kal me, il hep ye out)
IGNERT: (Haze bout az ignert az thay kum)
IDINIT: (Shore iz hot tadae, idinit?)
INVELOP: (Put tat an ah invelop fore ya male it)
ISSMORNIN: (Hit wuz ranin erly issmornin)
JAWJUH: (Ah thank thay muvd plum ta jawjuh)
JAWL: (Jawl cee whur he run tu)
JEW: (Jew heer whut he sed?)
KUMPNY: (Warsh yer hans, kumpny iz kumin)
LAW (POOOLISE): (Yew betur run, haze kaled tha law)
LOLLYGAGIN: (Haze ben lollygagin round hear fer tu daze)
MARD: (Ah rekon thay run off an got mard)
MUCHABLIGE: (Muchablige fer heppin me muve)
NAWTHURN: (He kum frum a nauthurn state)
NODE: (Ah node dat fore yew sed it)
OVAIR: (Yep, haze hear, an sitin ovair)
OVERHAULS: (Zim nu overhauls?
ORTA: (Ah orta go, but ah ant gonna)
PERTNEER: (Hits pertneer Khrismus)
PIERT: (Haze lukin bad, dont luk tu piert ta me)
PHRAZIN: (Man, hits nerely phrazin n hear)
PHORDEE: (Attairs gud stuff, hits phordee country)
PLAPURDY: (Thay got sum nu plapurdys fer Khrismus)
PLUM: (Ah am plum tuckered out)
POSTA: (Hita posta rane tadae)
PURDY: (Ats wun purdy gal)
RANCH: (Ah wish hed brang bak tha ranch he bard)
RAINCH: (Be shur u rainch at out fore yew uze it)
RAT SMART PEACE: (Hits a rat smart peace ta nu york)
RETARD: (He retard las weak)
RETCH: (He retch ovur an kaut tha ball)
RERNT: (Ah thank hits rernt, hit tase auful)
SAAR: (At pikel shore iz saar)
SEED: (Ah ant never seed nuthil lak it)
SEEF: (Seef u kan opin it)
SERP: (Ah porde serp on ma pankaks)
SHOVELAY: (He bout hissef a bran nu shovelay)
SINNER: (Yew ben ta tha nu shopin sinner)
SKEEDER: (Ah got bit by a skeeder whilst ah wuz fishin)
SMIGIN: (Thay ant gonna buge a smigin)
SOMMERS: (Hits ovar sommers)
SOZAT: (Sozat yer final ansir?)
SUM'NDEET: (Ah'm hongry, ah nede sum'ndeet)
SUMUM: (Shurly sumum iz still gud)
T'MAR: (Ah thank hits gonna be t'mar fore thay git hear)
TAR: (Yep, at tar iz flat arrite)
TARRED: (Ah ant ben this tarred in ah dont kno whin)
TAR-ARNS: (Yew nede tar-arns ta chang a flat tar)
TEET: (Ah'm hongry,zare anythang teet)
TIRE: (Whist we wuz in france, we seen tha awful tire)
TOEGEE: (Ah toegee hit wernt no gud)
TOWSAK: (He brung a hole towsak fulla taters)
THOWED: (I seen im whin he trowed hit uppair)
UDD'N: (Not at tare wun, git tha udd'n)
UHMURKIN: (Haze wun grate uhmurikin)
UP-PARE: (Hit fel frum up-pear sommers)
WARSH/WRENCH: (Soonz yew warsh at out yew nede ta wrench it)
WHUTGEE: (Whutgee thank bout hiz nu kar?)
WHURZEE: (Whurzee thank haze goin?)
WHYZY: (Whyze totin at big poke fulla stuff)
YESTITTY: (Thay wuz by hear jist yestitty)
YUNGIN: (Ar yungins iz all grode up)

Sum Doktur Werdz

Hearz how Cuz splained hit ta me.
Artery-----Tha studie uv famoose pantins.
Bacteria --Tha bak dore to a kafateria.
Barium ----Whut dokturs do whin thay pashunts die.
Benign ----Whut yew be aftur yew be ate.
Cesarean Section ---A naborhud in Rome.
CATscan ---Serchin fer a kitty.
Cauterize -Made eye kontac wif her.
Colic -----A sheep dog.
Coma ------A litel mark uzed whin yeur ritin.
D&C -------Whur warshintun is.
Dilate ---Ta live a long tyme.
Enema -----Not yer frend.
Fester ----Quiker than thuther guy.
Fibula ----A tinie, tinie lye.
Genital ---A non-juish persun.
G.I. Series - Wurld series uv army baseball.
Hangnail --Whut yew hang yer kote on.
Impotent --Well knon, destigawished.
Labor Pain -Whin yew git hert at werk.
Medical Staff -A dokturs wakin kane.
Morbid -----A hier bid than myne.
Nitrates ---Mour hier than da rates.
Node -------Sumpin yew new bafour.
Outpatient -Sumwun who haz fainted.
Pap Smear --Lyin bout sumwuns pappy.
Pelvis -----Sekund cuzin ta Elvis.
Post Operative -A lettur karier.
Recovery Room -Whur yew du uphosterie.
Rectum -----Dang neer kild em.
Secretion --Whin yer hidin sumthin.
Seizure ----Hed uv tha roman empire.
Tablet -----A reel smal table.
Terminal Illness -Got sik at tha trane stashun.
Tumor ------Moren wun.
Urine ------Oposite uv yer out.
Varicose ---Klosern kinda close, rite in yer face.

WELKUM TU THA PICHER SHO

Buford an hez bass bote

Maud's fat kat

Edna an Zeke gitin mard

There wedin kake

Granny's warsher

Sum gud ole boiz playin horsshews

Guess bedrums

Unkel Fred an Ant Myrtel had thay pichurs drawed

Ar dog injoin the AC

Hope yew had a gud tyme an smiled a bit